I went to the doctor the other day to get my aching right side of my ribs checked up. While in the waiting room, I browsed through the August issue of the New Yorker. It has a critics section on classical music, and this being the 200th anniversary of Chopin's birth, some of it naturally went to review some of the new Chopin recordings that came out.
The reviewer, Alex Ross, gave a raving review of Stephen Hough's play. Not knowing who he is, I looked him him later. Turns out, in addition to being a musician, he is also a well-established poet, and writer on religious matters. In fact, he's been named by the Economist as one of the world's 20 greatest polymaths.
I'd like for myself to be a polymath; I think people are definitely too specialized these days. In fact, picking Chemistry as my PhD field after my bachelor in Physics and Math was partially motivated by this fact. In college, I took courses like Drama, Women's Studies and Sociology with that determination in my mind. I think in the end, I spread myself a bit too thin.
Stephen Hough is clearly much more accomplished in everything he has done. I, on the other hand, has yet to accomplish anything in particular to any depth.
Other than my career in finance, perhaps it is only music that I have any real chance of becoming somewhat of an expert. And it was only realizing that I solved the question I have been asking myself for many years now, which is: Why should I play the piano?
As a kid, piano was forced upon me. I wouldn't quite go so far as to say I hated it, but certainly if it weren't for my parents, I would much rather be doing something else (most probably play video games). In college, I had my first shot at giving it up. But I was decent at it, so I kept taking piano lessons. Maybe it was satisfaction of my ego and the thrill of audience's applause that stopped me from giving it up.
At multiple times in grad school, I didn't join the school's chamber music program. I really thought it's time to stop the piano. I was good, but not so good as the make a living out of it. Why bother? My musical standards started to get higher, and it became higher and higher for me to perform at that level, without much practicing. I can just listen to music, and sing along with it.
So my recent surge in interest in music had me wondering if it's an activity worth pursuing. Unlike most people, who simply do things because they enjoy them, I need to justify any actions I take, even if it's something I truly enjoyed. This mentality has led me to making many short-sighted decisions, but I'm too deeply ingrained in this mindset to change. And I have never been able to find a rationale keep up with music.
That is, until last night. I was reading Glenn Gould's writings, and I was caught thinking how even for a genius like Gould spent a lifetime pursuing and thinking about music. As I got up to the bathroom, my mind just became crystal clear and I realized music, or perhaps the piano in particular, is actually worth my while pursuing. I would like at some point in my life to be able to claim supreme expertise at something, and at my rate of finding new things that interest me, the only candidate for me to becoming an expert in is the piano.
My full justification currently contains the following two points. One. Few had a chance to have spent months as a kid playing alongside a music conservatory professor every single day. Those days gave me a rock-solid foundation to build upon, and with my innate urge to play everything fast, I have good finger dexterity. It is not something you can simply acquire after becoming an adult, so I have something that can genuinely be qualified as "talent". Two. I think, I have an inner desire to prove to my parents that, contrary to what they have been telling me all my life, maybe I do have have some musical senses after all. This aspect is deeply ingrained in my head which is again a rather unique event. Coupled with my somewhat obsessive perfectionism when I put my mind to it, I keep searching for the perfect way to play a phrase, or a measure, or even a couple of notes. The Perfect Note--what musicians are constantly after.
I think that with those two points, largely unique to to myself, give me sufficient rationale to keep pursuing the piano, and music in general. It is going to take a lifetime, but I hope I do get somewhere.
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